My quitting ritual was the same each time and it involved a lot of cleaning.

Washing the stench of booze and cigarettes off my body. Washing clothes, sheets and towels. Opening windows to let fresh air flow through. Replacing bad smells and memories with essential oils and fresh flowers.

This was the satisfying, resolute bit. The smell of jasmine and clean hair signalled the promise that life could be different and in that moment a better, more authentic version of myself was possible.

I was never an everyday drinker or even an every weekend drinker. I could be classified as a social drinker, which gives the illusion that it’s not a problem; that you’re just blowing off steam now and then.

But when I was on, I was full-throttle on. There was no stop button. The worst version of myself was up on the big screen while the best version played out behind the scenes where only my nearest and dearest could see.

It was a self-inflicted wound that only I could heal and eventually, after many Feb Fasts and Dry Julys and countless resets of my Quit Buddy smoking app, I gave up both for good.

It has now been more than three years since I touched a drop of alcohol or a cigarette. The relief and gratitude to be off the stop-start rollercoaster, after years of trying and thinking it will never happen, is the gift that keeps on giving.

I feel calmer, happier and a little bit invincible. Sobriety has become my superpower instead of my Achilles heel. It is so affirming to become the person you wished you could be on those regretful, painful Sundays.

I often say that nothing good happens after midnight. The way you like to see yourself is rarely the person on display at 3am after a boozy night on the town. As a sober person, I now get to experience all the fun stuff and none of the bad stuff.

My advice to others who would like to change their relationship with addictive substances is don’t give up on yourself. Your desire to be different only exists because you can be, so just keep trying until it sticks.

Every little stretch of sobriety, long or short, gives you a taste of something better. It becomes something desirable rather than a sacrifice.

You have more time, more money, better relationships, a clear conscience, and the kind of peace that comes from living your values. Also, as a neat bonus, no one can mess with you when you’re sober. The self-loathing and self-doubt are gone, replaced with clarity and self-assuredness.

For me, studying a nursing degree helped break the stop-start cycle. New knowledge helped me to see the problem as a physiological one rather than a character flaw. It’s so easy to internalise the problem as a personal weakness or a moral failing.

We look at the way people behave when they’re under the influence and decide that’s who they really are; that the truth comes out when you’re drunk. I now view this as nonsense and instead see the behaviours as the body’s response to a toxin.

Consider the short-term effects of alcohol intoxication – slurred speech, double vision, loss of motor function, memory blackouts, drastic behavioural changes. If you experienced these symptoms at any other time, you’d call an ambulance.

As a nurse, I have seen the sad and devastating consequences of alcohol abuse and made the decision to change my story. I started to treat myself the way I treat patients, with more empathy and less judgement.

Instead of it being an internal battle, it became me against a wider societal problem – an alcohol drenched culture and a personal history of traumatic triggers, like so many other people with substance issues.

It’s this line of thinking that helped me finally overcome the problem, cold turkey. I tried to make the triggers and cravings something I observed and allowed to pass through me, rather than something I battled to resist before eventually getting tired and giving up.

At first the cravings came hard and fast, but now they are mild and rare. I replaced the emotional escapism that comes from drinking and smoking with a list of 50 things to do instead – some big, some small, but something to cover every scenario.

I now love all the little day-to-day things – a hot shower, good food, nightly skincare, nice smelling oils and balms, fresh air, favourite music.

I’m more present for family and friends; more confident and less bothered by what other people think. Mostly, I love that I never gave up and found my way back to my authentic self.

Helpful links:
Quitline: 137 848
National Alcohol & Other Drug Hotline: 1800 250 015
Hello Sunday Morning
Sober in the Country