Have you ever weighed yourself and not wanted to leave the house?

There was a time I didn’t want to see people or socialise if the number on the scales was wrong and my primary motivation to eat well and exercise was to look good.

Sad really, and yet so common in a world that puts a premium on women being thin and pretty.

And then perimenopause hit and, after a rocky transition during which the damn number kept climbing, I was finally able to see the gifts it had brought with it.

So much change happens abruptly after you turn 50. One minute you’re young and fabulous, consumed with the busy work and parenting years.

And the next, you’re not. The kids have grown up, there’s another generation of young guns in the workplace and dominating popular culture, and you’re much more aware that life eventually runs out.

It seems so impossibly far away when you’re 20, 30, 40 and still have the confidence and intensity of youth.

For a while now, women have written about becoming “invisible” and losing social capital once our appearance starts to change.

There’s a palpable shift, for sure, and it knocks your confidence, but I’m forcing myself to push back against the self-doubt and see the upsides.

Because let’s be honest, who do we become invisible to? Not our families. Not our friends. Not the communities of women who rally around us at every stage of life.

We mostly become invisible to the male gaze – the weight of patriarchal approval that robs us of too much time and energy.

Once you’re 50, you miss out on all the fake niceties that being young and attractive buys you, but then you realise that being older and wiser gives you more freedom.

I’ve simultaneously become less visible and less inhibited, with no problem stripping down to my bathers at the beach and waddling into the water. No one notices or cares.

But it’s actually way more important than the number on the scales or feeling comfortable in a one-piece and we saw it play out during the US election campaign.

There were conservative commentators – and the now Vice President – telling the world that menopausal women need to focus on being grandmothers. No mention of grandfathers, of course, only grandmothers.

Just when we have more time to pursue our own dreams and passions, we are told that our primary purpose is still to serve others, for free.

To look good, to serve, to not be “selfish” are still pressures applied predominantly to women. It’s so reductive and controlling.

But that’s the other great thing that comes with being a 50-something queen – we can see straight through all the BS and we cannot be conned.

While it must be wonderful to watch your children have children and be engaged as doting grandparents, it can’t be the only role that’s normalised and visible for older women.

For me, the 50s are the freedom years and it’s necessary to push back against the idea that our age and looks determine our worth or what we’re capable of.

We can’t let the nasty commentary about older women online steal our power, undermine our self-esteem, or convince us that our dreams don’t matter or aren’t achievable.

At 53, I’ve started writing again and created my own website, and it fills me with joy. It’s just me writing for a small audience, but it gives me a voice and lights me up.

Five of my friends in their 50s are pouring themselves into building brilliant businesses that contribute something good to the world.

Another friend graduated from a university degree in her 50s and has embarked on a rewarding new career in an area of healthcare that is crying out for more advocates.

We are very visible to each other and cheering each other on, as women always do.

If we’re lucky enough to be alive and healthy, we’re allowed to want happiness and to pursue our goals and chase our dreams – things that were put on the backburner while we carried the motherload.

I’ve also stopped weighing myself and dieting and am breaking the hard-wired habit of allowing the mirror to determine how much I like myself.

I’m making a concerted effort to shift the focus of exercise to health, strength and longevity. For real this time.

It’s liberating and it’s been a long time coming.